Perfectionism is a personality trait that is characterized by setting high standards, over-concern with mistakes, and the need to be perceived as flawless. In our “Go-go-go!” culture that chronically over-values productivity, perfectionism has become a dubious virtue.
This can be extremely harmful to anyone who’s perfectionism is rooted in trauma because they are often rewarded for the very traits that perpetuate their emotional wounding.
The connection between perfectionism and trauma is just beginning to be explored. Recent psychological studies have suggested that perfectionism could indeed be a symptom of unresolved trauma-childhood or otherwise. So, let’s dive a little deeper and take a look at perfectionism, its common characteristics, its impacts, and how we can begin to eliminate its root causes.
4 Common Characteristics of Perfectionism
- Unrealistic Standards: One key characteristic of perfectionists is the setting of incredibly high, often unachievable, standards. Perfectionists often believe anything short of PERFECT!!! is unacceptable, ultimately setting themselves up for disappointment, frustration, and stress.
- Fear of Failure: This fear is usually intense among perfectionists. They see failure not as a chance to learn and grow, but as a damaging blow to their self-esteem and worthiness. “Getting it wrong” can often trigger intense feelings of shame and a barrage of inner, negative self-talk.
- Chronic Dissatisfaction: Even when a goal is achieved, perfectionists have a hard time acknowledging their success. There’s always something more to be done, something that could have been “better”. This constant dissatisfaction can hinder their ability to enjoy accomplishments.
- Difficulty Accepting Feedback: When a perfectionist receives feedback they don’t hear, “Hey, great job on that project. Can I offer you a suggestion?”. What they hear instead is, “Wow, you royally f%@#d that up. What’s wrong with you?”. As a result, feedback is often interpreted as an attack on their integrity and can be met with defensiveness and even hostility (which is just defensiveness projected outward).
The Impact of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can take a toll on all aspects of a person’s life. It often negatively affects a person’s mental health, work-life balance, and personal relationships.
Perfectionism and Mental Health
Striving for perfection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. This constant stress can even lead to physical health issues like cardiovascular disease or weakened immune function.
Perfectionism at Work
In the workplace, perfectionism can-ironically-cause procrastination and slow down productivity. The fear of making mistakes can squash creativity, innovation, and risk-taking, which are all essential components of success in many fields.
Perfectionism in Relationships
Perfectionists often impose their high standards on others, leading to strain in relationships. Their inability to show vulnerability and their fear of judgment can also cause isolation and loneliness, which are often cited as the cause of many other mental, emotional, and physical health issues.
Eliminating the Root Causes of Perfectionism
Understanding that perfectionism may be a trauma response is the first step in healing. Here are three tips to help eliminate the root causes:
- Practice Self-Compassion: Learning to be kind to yourself, to see failures as opportunities for growth, and to take pride in your achievements is crucial. Implement self-compassion practices such as mindfulness and encouraging self-talk into your daily routine. This can be a tall order for perfectionists, as the inability to give yourself grace can be a big part of the problem. But with practice, it can really pay off.
- Set Realistic Goals: Overcoming perfectionism doesn’t mean you should stop striving for excellence (or even greatness). Instead, focus on setting achievable goals and celebrate each success, no matter how small. Gradually, you will replace the ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality that often fuels perfectionism. And giving yourself props feels good to boot!
- Heal the Trauma: Duh, right? Now, this one isn’t just as simple as waving a magic wand. It’s likely, and even recommended, that you will need to seek help from a professional, healing guide. A trained therapist, hypnotherapist, or counselor can provide the safe, supportive environment needed to explore and process past traumas. With help, patience, self-compassion, and love you can begin to heal the traumas and wounds of your past.
Remember, healing is a process and every journey will be unique. If perfectionism is impacting your life, consider seeking professional help to address potential underlying trauma. By acknowledging and addressing these issues, you are already on the path towards a healthier and happier life.
If you would like to explore how hypnosis can help heal trauma and the root causes of perfectionism, schedule a free strategy-coaching session today.
